A guide for getting to and around my place, and of various sundry things visitors might wish to know.

Arriving, including Parking

Arriving By Foot


You can look for street parking, but if you have not performed the appropriate Rituals Of Appeasement to the Chicago Parking Gods, I do not recommend this.

The main entrance of my (large, black, triangular) skyscraper is the precise intersection of Balmoral and Sheridan. At the main lobby, tell the front door clerk that you are here to see me, using my legal name, and my unit number, which you should have and be sure to tell him that YOU ARE ON THE LIST.

He will check the list, and then you will be allowed into the actual elevators leading up to my condo. Otherwise, he will have to call me to obtain permission to let you in.

Express elevator to my floor. Right out of the elevator. Door has three (3) brass bells on it.

Parking In My Garage

There is parking underneath my building.

The main entrance of my (large, black, triangular) skyscraper is the precise intersection of Balmoral and Sheridan. In order to access the parking, go NORTH of my building, past the little plaza, turn right into the driveway between the two buildings. At the stop sign, turn right to the motion-activated garage door, wait for it to open after it detects your car, and head UNDER my building.

Pull up to the valet booth. Give them your keys, tell them when you will next need the car and that you have a resident voucher. GET YOUR TICKET.

If you’re arriving while I am unavailable, the next bit is a wee bit tricky, you should ask the garage attendants for help. The non-resident elevator leads you to a weird commercial space. RIGHT out of the elevator, follow signs leading to the main lobby. It will be confusing.

The Basics

Network: Alt_Process (2.4G or 5G)

Password: Arg3nt1n3
(the password is also stored on top of the front center speaker directly below the TV, on a yellow strip of paper)

The  living room H/A/C control is located by the window, on the southern wall. If it is below 50 outside, it will generate heat. Above 60, and it will generate cool air. You can fiddle with the numbers, but I’ll be surprised if it does anything. Frankly, it\’s a bit of a pain.

The curtains are essential, given that the windows face east. You will want to close them before bed.

Note that the hammock is rated at roughly 250lbs.

The Bathroom

First aid supplies are located in the bottom right drawer.

There is no fan switch. There is a constant fan-like effect going on that takes advantage of air pressure differentials. It\’s kind of neat.

There are a variety of scented candles, and a collection of lighters in a small cup on the sink. Please feel free to indulge in their use for ambiance or odor control.

The left hand drawers under the sink contain a variety of supplies to make the home gender inclusive, including: disposable razors, hair ties, tampons, pads and panty liners, toothbrushes, etc. There is also a rather complete set of mani/pedicure supplies including nail polish.

In the shower, the left knob operates the bottom two shower heads. The right knob operates the top shower head. The center dial controls the temperature. If you’re showering during off-peak hours, you effectively have a limitless supply of hot water. Please use the squeegee on the glass after you are done to reduce water stains.

The Kitchen

I recommend drinking water from the fridge tap or the pitcher in the fridge. Coffee and tea supplies are above the electric kettle. .Check the corner cabinets for dishes. Utensils are under the stand mixer, at the back of the top drawer. Steak and cooking knives are in the middle drawer below that.

I’ll add a few more captioned photos later for if you’re planning to cook. Until then, just ask me where stuff is.


It will take anywhere from 5-15 minutes to account for the elevator and valet parking issues. Plan accordingly.

As you exit, the door is probably unlocked. Every knob on it unlocks/opens by twisting it in the clockwise direction.

If exiting to the street, you want to turn right toward the express elevators, and go to the Lobby.

If you parked under my building, then make sure you use the parking stickers which I will have left out for you somewhere visible, usually on the counter by the front door.

  • Use one(1) ticket for less than six(6) hours,
  • two(2) tickets for less than eighteen(18) hours and
  • three(3) tickets for 24 hours.

To get to the parking garage, the turn left out of my door, and then enter the first door on the right to get to the freight/service elevators. Take them to 1P. You’ll be at the beginning of a twisty hallway. Go forward until you find a handicap-accessible door button. Push it and then walk through the doors that open and you will be back at the valet.

Amenities & Attractions

You can see the nearest beach from my window. I leave it as an intellectual exercise to figure out how to get there. I have a black go-bag on a hanger with beach towels and frisbees in the closet by the front door.

My building has a pool, hot tub, gender-separated saunas, gym, and a fabulous sun deck complete with gas grills (must rent in advance). Glass containers are not allowed, and they are not open 24 hours, unfortunately. The pool and gym is open from 5am-11pm.

There is a convenience store in the building and another one south across the driveway that is open slightly later.

The nearest grocery store is Mariano’s, one block straight south of us, Sheridan & Foster.

The next closest retail area is Bryn Mawr, north to the next stop light, then west a few blocks. With a variety of cuisines including Indian, Vietnamese, Greek, sushi, and Mexican (the taquiera on Bryn Mawr & Broadway is way tastier and less expensive than That Little Mexican Cafe).

Andersonville is straight west of my place, about 8 blocks / 1 mile. Walking distance if you’re up for it. Lots of great restaurants and nightlife. I recommend Kopi Cafe at 5317 N Clark St. For drinking, my favorite is Simone’s.

Little India is roughly at California and Devon. About 10-15 minutes drive north by north west. A good GPS-plug in is the address 2610 W Devon Ave, Chicago, Illinois 60659, which will take you to the best Indian grocery store in town. I particularly recommend Sukhadia’s for snacks and sweetmeats.